Vaudeville
by lUnA-FloRerE
Summary: "Foolish. Mindless. Imprudent. Foolhardy. Terms Haruno Sakura does not associate with herself. However. In this case she was quite willing to make an exception. Here she was prancing about in nothing but a skintight mesh bodysuit, hearing catcalls left, right and centre. Oh and lets not forget the Akatsuki at her heels... She was so going to kill Ino for this."


So i've basically gotten back into writing. I was up at 3am this morning and was reading fanfiction. I was suddenly overcome by this uncontrollable urge to begin writing again. Random I know. I'm starting off with just simple one-shots or two-shots. I haven't written in a while so of course i'm going to be a little rusty. Constructive criticism is appreciated. I had this idea in my head for ages after watching Burlesque and couldn't resist.

* * *

_**vaudeville |ˈvôd(ə)ˌvil; -vəl|**_

**Noun**

a type of entertainment popular chiefly in the U.S. in the early 20th century, featuring a mixture of specialty acts such as burlesque comedy and song and dance.

• a stage play on a trivial theme with interspersed songs.

• archaic a satirical or topical song with a refrain.

* * *

**Derivatives**

vaudevillian |ˌvôd(ə)ˈvilyən; -ˈvilēən| adjective & noun

* * *

**Origin**

mid 18th cent.: from French, earlier vau de ville (or vire), said to be a name given originally to songs composed by Olivier Basselin, a 15th-cent. fuller born in Vau de Vire in Normandy.

* * *

Disclaimer: Need I say more?

"Talking"

'Thinking'

'**Inner**'

* * *

Foolish. Mindless. Imprudent. Foolhardy. Terms Haruno Sakura does not associate with herself.

However. In this case she was quite willing to make an exception.

Here she was prancing about in nothing but a skintight mesh bodysuit, hearing catcalls left, right and centre. The black spandex clung to her ravishing curves and left nothing to the imagination of the surrounding civilian and shinobi alike. Her exotic pastel hair cascaded inches below her waist in lovely ringlets and _goddamn,_ she didn't know if she could walk in these 6 inch pumps any longer.

Her outfit screamed 'fuck me.'

Oh, she was so gonna kill Ino for this. Nope screw it. Heads were going to fucking roll once she was back in Konoha. How she ended up in this _delightful_ predicament was because of the blonde pig anyways.

No mercy would be fucking shown.

* * *

_5 days ago_

* * *

"Forehead! Get up I have a surprise for you!" Sakura groaned in exasperation at the vexing blonde whom decided on this fine morning she would wake her up at such a godforsaken hour.

It was simple really.

Sakura just got home from yet another tiring day at the hospital because those ANBU shinobi thought themselves invincible, blindly throwing themselves in _Uchiha Itachi's_ path. All she wanted was an hour soak in her hot tub and to die in bed. But unfortunately not according to the blonde monkey who proceeded to shake her like a rattle.

"Goddamn it Ino!If you don't stop shaking me, i swear i'll katon your precious closet!" Sakura shrieked throwing the covers over her head.

The blonde however, had other plans and did not relent in her efforts. Sakura groaned and caught Ino by her hair, yanking her down to the bed along with Sakura.

"What the HELL do you want pig!"

**'How long do you think it is in an ANBU prison if we murder a fellow blonde kunoichi?**' her inner queried.

' I don't know but hell it'd be so goddamn worth it to be rid of the pig' Sakura thought. Her inner sniggered in response.

"Calm your pruning self Sakura and listen to me for two seconds." Ino sighed and ripped Sakura's hand off her hair. " I wouldn't wake you forehead if I wasn't desperate."

"Oh god Ino this better not be one of those dumb blind dates you agree to then can't make and you send me instead! Last time this happened I sent that asshole through a wall. What was his name again Keita? Or was it-"

"Sakura! Shut up! No its not that. Even though I do do that for your own benefit because goddamn I need to get you laid. Your going to end up a prude like ol Chiyo. All rusted like the beakers in that lab of yours!"

"Hey! Chiyo was a good woman i'll have you know that! And I am not a prude! I'm just highly selective!" Sakura screamed in protest at such an accusation.

'**hate to agree with the pig but she's right**' inner Sakura put in her own two cents.

'Shut it traitor' Sakura huffed at the atrocity of it all. ' I'm busy! And its not like i'm a complete introvert! Excuse me if i'm too busy saving lives of my comrades instead of getting laid. Last time I heard saving lives doesn't include sleeping around with the patients.'

Sakura decided to let the subject drop. "Just get to point Ino. Tell me why you unsealed my door and took the time to avoid my traps AND woke me up at 4 in the morning when I finished work two hours ago."

Ino observed her friend who was looking a little worse for wear and sighed. ' I should take better care of you forehead. Someone needs to and that is _exactly_ what i'm gonna do.'

Sakura thought she saw a brief look of sympathy from Ino but then shook her head. 'Nah must be imaging things.'

"Okay. Well me and Chouji are organising our wedding and i'm going to be busy with the arrangements. So I was wondering if you could take on this one mission for me? Pretty please?' Ino pleaded at Sakura and fluttered long lashes just for effect.

"Ugh! Don't do that to me save it for Chouji, its disgusting!" Sakura shrieked covering her eyes. Sakura glanced at Ino and immediately guessed something was up. That innocent look on Ino's face spoke testaments to her devious intentions. Those on the receiving end of those looks would only end up with misfortune.

"No Ino. I'm not picking up second hands at your disposal. Can't Hinata-chan or Tenten do it for you. I've got work piling onto me at the hospital."

"Oh, come on Sakura! You don't have to worry, I can sort out the shifts at the hospital. You're my maid of honour! This is the stuff you're supposed to do! You know support the bride and all that jazz." Ino was really putting on the pressure and Sakura was ecstatic for her friend knowing how good Chouji was for someone like Ino. They were peas in a pod. Balancing each-other in ways Sakura could only wish she too shared with another. And so with that, Sakura decided to pay no heed to whatever Ino had up her sleeve. Hey, who knows maybe it was just a simple mission easy as pie.

"Okay pig. But just this once and I swear if you come barging in my door again, i'll send you to the afterlife."

"Oh stop the dramatics forehead. This place is my second home. Oh and by the way if you're taking my mission you have to report to the hokages office _now_."

Killing intent suddenly filled the air and with that Ino shunshined the hell outta there, her parting words being, "love you forehead!'

"i'll tear that mop of blonde hair off your head pig!" Sakura shouted out her window knowing the blonde would get the message.

'Remind me again why she's my best friend.' Sakura groaned and got out of bed not caring if she was late as she headed for the shower.

'**You've been hanging around Kakashi-sensei way too much**.' Inner replied in response to her outers dismissal of propriety.

' I cannot be bothered to care anymore besides i'll just blame it on the pig.' And with that Sakura proceeded to enjoy a half hour submerged in heaven.

* * *

'**Oi Sakura! Wake up! Stupid girl, I can't believe we're the same person**!'

Sakura groaned and fluttered jet lashes to reveal stunning viridian orbs.

'Oh god how long was I out inner?' The bath felt so blissfully sinful she had succumbed to sleep.

'**An hour or so! Time to haul ass and get to Tsunade**!'

"Oh shit!" Sakura scrambled out of the tub and looked in the mirror. Silken locks clung to her glistening skin and her face now its fresh and perfect self.

'**Goddamn if I was a guy i'd fuck me**' Inner chuckled at her own vanity, whilst Sakura in response, locked her inner into the darkest recesses of her mind and shook her head.

'I should've known hearing a voice in my head wasn't a good sign.'

Flinging her closet open, Sakura grabbed a black sleeveless shirt that ended above her navel, displaying her toned flesh to those surrounding her- not that they would complain. She hurriedly dressed into tight black spandex shorts and knee high ninja boots, her kunai holster fastened to her leg along with her medic pouch attached to her hip- it was an essential she carried everywhere.

She also decided to drag her meteor hammer along just as a precaution. She didn't know the details of the mission thanks to the pig's lack of information. 'Geez she could've at least gave me a briefing before I go.' And with that Sakura gracefully leapt out the window and took to the rooftops, enjoying the cool breeze on her porcelain skin.

She vaulted over the entrance and landed on the hokages window to which she let herself in. What she was greeted with was not the most pleasant of sights.

A red faced Tsunade and a Group of stoic ANBU, whom she knew, were impatiently awaiting the arrival of said pinkette.

Sakura did the only thing she could think of at that moment. She pulled a Kakashi.

"Ah sorry there was a crisis and this old lady-"

"Haruno Sakura!" Tsunade screeched at the top of her lungs. Sakura was sure that Konoha's citizens must be turning their lights on now and fearing for their lives at hearing the blonde demoness's screech.

'oops. Bad idea'

**'No shit sherlock. She looks like she's gonna pin your head to the wall with a Kunai.'**

' Hey! I thought I got rid of you!' '**Obviously not yet, your pathetic attempts at locking my sexy self away were easily triumphed by my sheer awesomeness**.' Sakura scoffed out loud which only served to anger Tsunade all the more, believing her apprentice was scoffing at _her_.

"Haruno Sakura! Your hokage is talking to you! Your are three hours late!"

"Shisou it's-"

"I don't want to hear your excuses!" Inwardly Sakura gulped and apologised to her sensei. "i apologise Tsunade-sama for my tardiness it will not happen again." Sakura bowed in response and flanked the right of the ANBU she recognised as Neji. Sending him a small smile, in which he returned with a nod, she returned her full attention to Tsunade.

"Now that I can begin debriefing you on this mission," she shot a pointed look at Sakura, "we have had reports on the daimyo's son being targeted by Akatsuki. He withholds information on Orochimaru's operations and it is imperative you secure this information."

Tsunade sighed before looking at Sakura. "Sakura you are to infiltrate a club located in Grass country and are to seduce said target." Sakura's eyed widened upon understanding to which Tsunade sent her a brief apologetic glance. 'I'm sorry Sakura but this comes with being a Kunoichi.' It was true, although Kunoichi despised it, seduction was part of the job description and as much as Sakura hated to admit it, 'that which lay between her legs could be used as a weapon on even the most powerful of men.' It was rare for kunoichi to not be assigned such missions when of jounin or ANBU status.

'Chouji's gonna have to find a new bride. After i'm finished with her she'll probably be buried six feet under the ground before she walks down that aisle.' Sakura steeled herself to kill the blonde however inner Sakura had other thoughts and was _thanking_ the blonde.

**'Finally some sexual activity! We are so gonna get laid! Thank-you pig i'll buy you that meringue pie you adore so much!'** Sakura's inner fist pumped in success as outer Sakura mentally sighed. 'How you and I are one in the same will forever remain a conundrum.' ' **Don't label me a conundrum you hopeless prude!'**

Ignoring her inner self she watched as Tsunade turned to the ANBU next to her. She recognised one as Neji and the other three as Shikamaru, Kiba and Genma.

Kiba grinned wolfishly at her, to which she sent him a dazzling smile. Shikamaru looked as bored as ever and Sakura swore she heard him mutter _troublesome_. She chuckled at his ever so bored disposition. 'He hasn't changed since when we were kids' she thought, smiling serenely at the thought of when times were so much more simple. Shaking her head of such notions she turned to Genma whom...

Oh fuck no.

She would rip that Genma a new one if he didn't stop looking at her so perversely. He grinned lasciviously and winked before returning his attention to Tsunade. She growled lowly in response and could see him from the corner of her eye, staring at her rear.

Reigning in her vexation, she focused on Tsunade's words rather than the insufferable man barely two feet away from her.

Tsunade must have noticed Genma and Sakura's little exchange as she sent Genma an irritated glance. "Genma! Pay attention!" The asshole in turn just smirked and rolled his tongue along the senbon dangling from his lips.

Tsunade sighed and continued. "As for you four." She hardened her stare on them as an indication that she was damn serious. "Numerous Akatsuki have been spotted. The targets name is Kyousuke Takeuchi. I want him guarded and brought to Konoha for questioning pertaining the possession of such intelligence." Tsunade paused and turned to Sakura. "Sakura you are of great interest to Akatsuki. Your disposal of both Sasori and Konan has captured their attention. If you encounter Akatsuki do _not_ engage."

"Pardon my interruption Hokage-sama but when you say 'numerous' how many are we talking about?' Neji inquired, concerned that his Sakura was a target.

Hey wait. _His Sakura_.

Neji shook his head and focused on Tsunade's reply. 'just a slip of the tongue.' he thought.

"At least 5 or 6, so i've heard. Nara i place you as taichou. Don't fail me. Dismissed." Sakura knew that when Tsunade said 'don't fail' she really meant just come back alive. Sakura sent a small smile to her Shisou to which she returned.

Securing their ANBU masks to conceal their identities, the five leapt out of the window racing at a breakneck pace for grass country.

Tsunade was left to feel the silence of the night, contemplating sending Sakura right into the lions den.

'Sakura, please be safe..'

* * *

_Present time_

* * *

Sakura huffed and yet again balanced the silver platter on one arm, gracefully weaving through the lush burgundy chaise lounges ignoring the calls of men desiring her _presence_. '_The Vanguard_' was the bars name and if one looked beyond its sexual entertainment purposes, its wasn't that bad. The club certainly breathed life to the dull avenue as its surroundings were intimate and featured vaudeville décor dresses. The club played host to good music too, acting as a house of blues and jazz.

The décor was what captured Sakura's attention though. The walls were cushioned with red velvet and the interior featured walnut loo tables surrounded by caquetoire chairs lined with black cushioning. The colour scheme revolved around velvet reds, gold and onyx. Grand mirrors framed with gold hung along the walls and private booths were concealed behind crimson curtains. The stage was located at the front of the club and a grand victorian chandelier hung from the ceiling.

'The decor is the only plus of this place.' Sakura groaned as she eyed the male population whom were salivating over her scantily clad form. Sakura however was determined. Steeling herself, she strutted over to the designated table and flashed her target a sultry smile.

* * *

**'Hot damn there is some serious eye-candy in this place**.' Inner drooled at the sight of the Daimyo's son.

Sakura mentally rolled her eyes at this, 'inner you would practically screw anything with two legs.'

'**Darling you know me too well but even **_**I**_** have standards**.' Inner Sakura replied mockingly.

Kyousuke Takeuchi, if she was being honest with herself, was undeniably attractive. Long raven locks fell over broad shoulders and piercing hazel orbs, eyed Sakura hungrily. Sakura in turn felt an unwanted shiver up her spine.

"Why hello beautiful. Whats something as innocent as you doing in a place like this?" Sakura glanced at Kyousuke, only to raise an elegant pink brow at him.

'I assure you sir, I am _very_ far from innocent.' Sakura purred in a seductive tone that immediately went straight to the belts of the males within hearing distance.

Kyousuke chuckled and motioned for his drink.

**'This guy so wants us. He's eyeing us like a lion in heat.'**

'Just shutup and let him come to us. We don't want to set him off. He's probably smarter than he looks, especially considering he managed to escape with intel on Orochimaru _alive_. The disgusting snake is protective of his vulgar secrets.'

Inner just smirked in response. ' **Oh that will be no problem my dear this guy is ready to tear our clothes off. Besides...boys like it when women play hard to get. Now go on! Seduce the pants off this sexy piece of man before us!'**

'Challenge accepted.'

Sakura placed his drink down, intentionally brushing her fingers against his own. The other men at the table watched Sakura just as perversely as the next, but Sakura paid them no mind, having eyes only for their target.

"Please gentlemen, call me at anytime if you require my _services_." Sakura smiled coyly at Kyousuke before gracefully spinning on her heel, leaving him to admire her spirit.. and her voluptuous behind.

**'And ladies and gentlemen she gets it from me. I like that innuendo you threw in there outer. Do you think Neji would mind if we actually let him screw us?'**

Sakura had had enough of her inner's comments. ' Do you think about anything other than sex?! How can a part of myself be this goddamn depraved. I swear if anyone read my mind i'd sound like some rabid slut.'

**'Don't blame me! Most wouldn't want to die some sad, old virgin i'm just pointing out the obvious!'**

'Sad, old, virgin! Why you-!'

"Mitsuki-san!"

Forgetting her previous dispute, Sakura whipped around from the bar in response to her alias. She was met with a rather stout middle-aged man whom was recognised as the owner of the vanguard.

"We need you on stage! Usagi hasn't come in and I need a performer!" She didn't even get an opportunity to protest as two other dancers whisked her away to 'prepare' her.

Oh how Sakura hated life at this very moment.

* * *

Watching from the shadows were four highly qualified ANBU shinobi. Well. Soon to be two if Genma and Kiba didn't stop admiring Sakura's... assets.

"Oh Kami. She looks good enough to eat."

Genma watched as Sakura's luscious pastel locks swayed with her every movement. He decided he liked it long. And that fucking bodysuit! The spandex clung to her soft bodacious curves and the see through mesh displayed such soft supple skin. She was toned like all kunoichi but still retained her womanly assets as her porcelain skin glittered under the clubs lighting.

Every sway of her hips and slight bounce of her perky breasts further drove him to madness. He didn't know whether to be mad at himself for accepting the mission or kiss the foot of the God that bestowed this glorious sight before him.

It was definitely the latter.

Maybe he could steal that bodysuit and get her to wear it for him sometime...

Genma's trance was interrupted by an irritated Hyuuga whom slapped him upside the head."Pay attention Shiranui. This is no time for such tomfoolery. Akatsuki are within the vicinity. Do you really want such intel to fall into their hands or better yet, endanger Sakura?"

Genma sighed and held his hands up as a sign of defeat. "okay, okay geez. What red blooded male wouldn't appreciate such a sight. Get the stick outta your ass Hyuuga, we all see you stealing glances at her. Pay attention to the mission my foot."

Neji's eyes darkened as he glared at the hormone driven man before him. No, it would do no good to murder a fellow shinobi, so Neji reigned in his irritation. Besides he was a man of self control...

...

Holy shit.

Screw self control.

There Sakura was right before him bending over across the bar counter, displaying such delicious cleavage for his Byakugan eyes. He could see _everything_. He couldn't remove his eyes from her delectable form and this time it was the Nara that cleared his throat.

Snapping out of it, Neji felt something wet slide down his nose. Oh god. He was _not_ having a nosebleed like some teenage boy. He was 20 for God's sake! Sakura was 2 years his junior! She certainly developed quite nicely though since her younger years...

Sakura, already at age 18, was a highly accomplished ANBU captain whom surpassed the legendary sannin Tsunade herself.

Fierce but delicate she was.

Sakura was spirited, her eyes held that viridian fire he adored so much. The only problem was other men whom eagerly vied for her attention. Sakura had gained a few fans. Well..._A few_ would be a severe understatement. Shinobi and civilian alike from all hidden villages proposed marriage to her. To Neji's relief however she declined each and every offer. Neji smirked at this, however was brought back to reality as the Nara pointed to Neji's nose which still displayed a trail of blood.

To hide his humiliation Neji turned his back to his fellow ANBU team and wiped his nose.

It didn't help when Genma sniggered at Neji, muttering under his breath, "Pfft, stupid virginal Hyuuga."

Okay. Fuck the consequences.

Neji was going to remove what little Shiranui had on his shoulders.

Before a battle ensued the Nara interved and trapped both in his shadow binding Jutsu.

"Troublesome." Konoha's top tactician shoved his hands in his pocket and turned to his so called superiors.

"Both of you idiots need to shutup and behave in a manner befitting of your status" Both shinobi quit their glaring contest and heeded Shikamaru's words of advice as he released them both from his Jutsu.

Shikamaru glanced at the gorgeous pinkette and observed her meagre clothing. He thought Nara Sakura fit her quite well indeed. Hey two geniuses together imagine the kids they would produce...

Sighing, Shikamaru glanced at kiba whom was salivating like the dog boy he was and returned his gaze to the pinkette.

"Troublesome women."

Just as Shikamaru said that even more trouble appeared, as six Akatsuki members entered the club none too discreetly.

"What a drag."

* * *

The infamous members of the dreaded Akatsuki entered the burlesque club heeding their leaders orders. Their objective was clean and simple. Kill the target Kyousuke Takeuchi and extract the needed intel. Sure it was rare that they be in such a mass group, however leader insisted and what leader says goes. End of story.

"Oi Kaku-fucker give me money to buy some drinks!" The Jashinist was in a particularly good mood. After all he was definitely gonna get laid tonight. All he needed was some heavy alcohol and a bitch to satisfy his needs.

"No. Your wants are of no importance to me. Find someone who gives a damn." Kakuzu really had no patience for the Jashin-obsessed simpleton.

The six criminals situated themselves in the furthest booth from their target whom seemed too focused on the stage to really acknowledge them.

"Fucking money grubber! Who needs your stupid ass anyways. I just wanna screw some hot bitch." the silver haired Akatsuki eyed the female waitresses, attempting to find a woman to his _taste_.

Joining in the banter, the blonde bomber put in his own two cents. "Pft good luck with that. No girl would wanna screw an old man with grey hair, yeah."

"Fuck you too blonde faggot! I don't need to hear this shit from a bunch of no good heathens! Why can't I just sacrifice the motherfucker now!?"

"We first require the location of such intel before we gather it. Is your brain so diminutive that you cannot concoct logical conclusions?" The fawn eyed puppeteer questioned, which in turn only served to anger said Jashinist.

"I preferred you dead asshole!" Hidan yelled.

By now other occupants of the club glanced at the infamous group whom were making quite the racket. Noticing this, Itachi decided to put a halt to such nonsense.

"Silence all of you." Itachi's tone left no room for argument and with that the four S-class nin quietened however Hidan sent a death glare at all members, muttering about fucking heathens and new sacrifices to Jashin.

Finally joining in his fellow member shenanigans, Kisame's guffawing laughter filled the room. "Ridiculous how you all shut up when the Uchiha here tells you too! Hidan you pansy order us some drinks!"

Grumbling, the Jashinist called some waitress over and ordered two bottles of sake.

The waitress flashed the tables occupants a sensual smile, setting down the drinks. Seeing that the majority showed no interest in her, she huffed and spun on her heels marching back to the bar.

"I should come to this place more often." Hidan groaned as he took a swig of sake straight from the bottle.

"I could If Kaku-fucker over there didn't do so many of those goddamn bounty hunts." Hidan turned to glare at his stitched partner.

Having enough of his partners constant bitching, Kakuzu sewed the silver haired Jashinists mouth shut.

"Much better."

As his foolish comrades continued to bicker, Itachi observed his target from the corner of his eye, awaiting any movement. Itachi was not simply obeying orders, he too wanted the filthy snake dead and if this intel was anything to go by, nothing would stop him from getting it. Sharingan activated, Itachi scanned his surroundings and could sense four Chakra signatures. Observing the shadows of the bar Itachi noticed ANBU shinobi flanking all exits.

'Hn. Foolish.' These Konoha ANBU shinobi although they concealed they're chakra quite well, thrummed with power. Itachi though, not one to be intimidated looked towards his comrades and informed them of their situation.

"Konoha ANBU are surrounding us. I suggest you all halt your foolishness and pay attention to the mission. Leader will not be pleased if such intel falls into the hands of Konoha." The five Akatsuki members observed the shadows and indeed sensed four carefully concealed chakra signatures.

At the mention of Konoha both the blonde bomber and red haired puppeteer's senses perked up.

"Stupid Konoha bastards i'll make them pay tenfold for the shit they've pulled!" Deidara growled lowly as he plotted revenge on Konoha. He would first start off with the ANBU hidden to the untrained eye.

Meanwhile Sasori's gaze darkened as he thought of the little girl with beautiful eyes whom aided in his defeat.

She would be _his_.

The ultimate piece of art. Beautiful and strong however soft and acquiescent to him and his _needs_. She was the reasons he was now living, breathing flesh and she would pay for this transgression. If he found her here he would have no qualms about snatching her from the hands of Konoha.

After all he didn't like to be kept waiting.

As all members were contemplating their next move, a stout man whom claimed to be the owner appeared on stage.

"Good evening ladies gentlemen! Tonights performance will now begin. Please drink to your hearts content gentlemen as I welcome our newest member Mitsuki!"

And with that the Six missing nin focused they're attention on the stage, ever so observing of both their target and the shinobi in the shadows.

* * *

Sakura was calm. Yes, indeed she was very calm.

Okay no scratch that. She was far from fucking calm.

Her reasons for panic, well lets just say that observing six Akatsuki motherfuckers waltz through the entrance was not expected. She expected them to be more subtle but of course not. The cocky bastards think they owned the place and even had the gall to sit there and drink bloody sake!

Oh and whats worse. The supposed dead puppeteer wad very much _alive_. Sitting there like the ever stoic bastard he was. She knew that they could sense her fellow shinobi so why haven't they engaged us? Sakura's perfect chakra control entailed the complete concealment of her chakra signature. She knew that they could not sense her and she was going to take advantage of that little fact.

**'Cha! Kick their Akatsuki asses! I gotta say though why do they have to be so goddamn fine!' **Her inner drooled at the sight of such attractive men.

'Goddammit! They're Akatsuki not some random attractive male you see on the street!'

**'Hey i'd die a happy woman if that sexy piece of Uchiha ass screwed me. I mean goddammit he is **_**soo**_** much more attractive than his little prick of a brother**.' Inner sighed as she fantasised about the older Uchiha.

Outer Sakura only groaned in response and face palmed. At the mention of the younger Uchiha though, Sakura's gaze hardened. Sakura would drag the little asshole by his chicken ass hair back to Konoha and beat the living shit out of him herself.

'Great choice Sasuke. Seek power from a creepy pedophile.'

Sakura had had enough of this.

She would not cower like some innocent little girl. She was a woman to be trifled with and it would be a cold day in hell before she ever showed weakness to the Akatsuki.

As she heard the owner announce her performance. She took that as her cue. Straightening herself, Sakura's eyes burned with emerald fire.

'Oh if its a show they want. Its a show they'll get.'

* * *

The team of Konoha shinobi were on high alert as they flanked all exits, ready to intervene if the Akatsuki showed any sign of movement. As they observed from the shadows, Hyuuga Neji grew irritated at their lack of response.

"Those fucking bastards." The dog-nin scowled, in response to the older Uchiha whom glanced in his direction and had the fucking balls to smirk at him.

Genma's patience was wearing thin at the sight of the cocky missing-nin before him. The bastards were just sitting there drinking sake as if they owned the fucking joint!

Hell. He was done with this shit.

Shikamaru appeared just as bored as ever which definitely contrasted with the three hundred and eighty six possible strategies he had already conjured in his head as a battle would inevitably ensue.

After all, Konoha and Akatsuki were not on very civilised terms.

The Akatsuki wouldn't know civilisation if he shoved it up their asses.

Figuratively of course.

Shikamaru being the genius he was, knew to retreat when he saw fit. This was not the time to play hero. Six Akatsuki were not to be taken lightly, however at the sight of them so relaxed and drinking sake, his patience too was wearing thin.

"Fuck it! I'm tired of hiding in the shadows like some pansy! I'm going to sit down and order a drink." Before anyone could stop him, Genma had already sat down at a booth near the stage.

"Oh screw it i'm going too. If those Akatsuki bastards think they intimidate an Inuzuka they've got another thing coming." Kiba joined Genma and took a drink of Sake relishing in the glares they got from those Akatsuki bastards.

Neji just sighed and situated himself in view of the opposing missing-nin, observing their every movement with the Hyuuga bloodline.

"What a drag."

Shikamaru too moved to join the idiots he called comrades and although his posture appeared relaxed, in reality he was far from it.

As the four sat down, Kiba being Kiba pointed out the obvious.

"umm.. Guys wheres Sakura?"

* * *

Hidan was annoyed. No he was fucking furious. He wanted nothing but to sacrifice the little Konoha fuckers to Jashin.

"Stupid little Konoha shits, yeah." Deidara glared viciously at the four shinobi four booths away from them.

Kakuzu had no interest and proceeded to count his monthly earnings. But If those Konoha Shinobi wanted his money they'd be nothing but a stain.

Sasori and Itachi being well... Sasori and Itachi maintained they're stoic disposition only pausing to narrow their stares at the shinobi situated no less than ten feet away from them. No they would not rush this. They could crush them any time they wished.

It was only a matter of time before their target made his move anyways. The man looked ready to jump out of his seat as the announcement was made for tonights entertainment.

"When's this fucking entertainment-" Hidan's bitching was cut short as the lights dimmed and the curtained was raised.

...

"Sweet Jashin. You have brought me salvation." Hidan let out a throaty groan as the curtain revealed the silhouette of a goddess.

The Akatsuki turned their attention to the female upon which Sasori's eyes widened.

'It was her!' There in all her sensual glory sat Sakura Haruno middle of the stage. She was wearing thigh high stockings which attached to a tight mesh spandex bodysuit. The material so thin it left little to the imagination. Wavy pastel locks cascaded down the elegant curve of back. Leather gloves adorned her toned arms and a black chauffeur's hat sat at the crown of her head. Sasori could now see why their target was so keen for tonight's performance.

Sasori couldn't take his eyes off her. In fact none of the men in the club did.

...

Now Itachi was a man of self control but when presented with such a sight...

I think that semblance of self control went flying out the window.

This girl. This little girl he had seen years ago as his otouto's teammate, had developed since the last time he had seen her.

Quite nicely too.

He had indeed heard of her and her vast accomplishments as a Kunoichi. Sakura Haruno, number one medic in the entire shinobi land. Surpasser of the slug princess herself and victor over two Akatsuki members.

Observing her sensual movements with keen eyes, Itachi decided right then and there that he wouldn't mind having her as _pleasurable_ company.

No, it would be his _absolute pleasure_.

* * *

Sakura watched as all eyes were on her. So this is what Ino was talking about. All this attention and the power she held over each man within the vicinity. She could even see the Akatsuki staring at her.

She caught the eye of Sasori whom was smirking at her. Smirking!

Accepting his challenge she flashed him a sultry smile, which only served to darken his gaze. '**I think he wants to eat us**.' inner commented as she noticed the way the red head eyed her predatorily.

'hmm. Interesting. I have a goal to accomplish and these bastards aren't getting in my way.'

And with that Sakura turned her full attention to Kyousuke. Feeling all eyes on her she took a deep breath and let her voice fill the room.

.

_Ooh, oh yeah yeah_

_Oooh yeah yeah_

_._

'Holy shit' was the thought that ran across some of Konoha's finest Shinobi at the sound of Sakura's voice. Every man in the room was in a trance and Neji could see those Akatsuki eyeing his Sakura like a piece of meat. 'A predator can sense another predator' Neji thought as he watched the eyes of many run up and down Sakura's scantily clad form. Neji growled in irritation, he would rip the eyes out of their goddamn sockets.

.

_I need a, a tough lover, yeah yeah yeah_

_A tough lover, ooh yeah_

_._

"Can we take her with us, yeah?" Deidara was in love. This woman was the very personification of his art. Her voice and beauty was definitely a bang! There was no question, Deidara was taking this beauty with him and no one would stop him. He'd sooner blow their legs of, yeah.

"Sasori isn't that the girl who whooped your ass?" Kisame questioned as he watched the pinkette hungrily. Sasori only grunted in response to immersed in the pinkette to form a coherent answer.

Kisame turned to the stitched man whom had abandoned his money in favour to eye the pinkette which was.. strange to say the least. "Kakuzu, isn't she one of leader's targets. I hear shes quite a catch in the bingo books."

Kakuzu whipped out his bingo book and scanned the Kunoichi's profile. "Quite a catch is a complete understatement." He muttered as he turned back to eye the Kunoichi.

"Akatsuki." At hearing Itachi's stern tone, all members turned their attention on him with reluctance.

"Change of plans. Haruno Sakura is of great interest to Akatsuki. We shall proceed with the original mission and seize our intended target. However, I want Haruno-san to be captured. She will be of a great addition to Akatsuki and Leader-sama will be pleased. Be on guard though, she is not a Kunoichi to be taken lightly." He sent a pointed look at Hidan's way whom seemed quite busy salivating over Sakura's delectable body.

None of the members had any qualms about that as they immediately returned their attention to the seductive pinkette on stage.

* * *

_._

_When he kisses me,I get that thrill_

_._

Sakura moved her body to the beat and slid her hands sensually over her legs, drawing attention to her creamy skin. A funky beat began to play and Sakura sung with all the soul she possessed, keeping her eyes on Kyousuke the entire time. As the beat quickened Sakura kicked over the chair she was sitting on and swayed her hips as she moved in Kyousuke's direction.

.

_When he does that wiggle I won't keep still_

_I wanna a tough lover (yeah, yeah)_

_A tough lover (woo)_

_I need a tough lover (yeah, yeah)_

_Tough lover (hum, hum)_

_._

"Damn that bitch can move!" Hidan groaned for the millionth time as he watched the pinkette dance her way to their target.

"If we're not careful, that intel is definitely going to fall into Konoha's hands. She has the dumb-ass wrapped around her little finger, yeah." Deidara added as he watched on in jealousy seeing the emerald eyed beauty seduce the lovestruck idiot.

"Hidan, Kakuzu and Kisame." The three looked to Itachi whom did not take his eyes of the seductive pinkette.

"Deal with those four over there," Itachi inclined his head towards the four ANBU whom were watching the pinkette like a hawk.

"Sasori, Deidara and I will deal with the Haruno girl. She's definitely not going to come willingly and if Sasori's defeat two years ago is anything to go by, we shall have to deal with her accordingly." At the mention of his defeat, Sasori glared at the sharingan user.

"Wow, didn't know the Uchiha knew so many words." Kisame remarked, as both Deidara and Hidan sniggered at the blue mans insult.

Itachi narrowed his eyes at his gilled partner, whom raised his hands in defeat. "okay, okay, deal with white eyes and his friends over there, got it." Kisame grinned, flashing sharp teeth in the ANBU's direction, keen for a good fight.

_._

_The seven sisters got nothing on him_

_I'm talking about a lover who's fast as the wind_

_Everyone will talk about how he got me fixed_

_It ain't voodoo, it's just that twist_

_He will be the greatest lover that ever come to pass_

_Don Juan ain't got the half the chance_

_._

"Okay, she's definitely my future wife!" Genma exclaimed as he watched the pinkette dance like she owned the spotlight. And when she kicked over her chair damn! Genma trailed off, fantasising of Sakura in his bed, willing for him, screaming out his name...

This was cut short as he was interrupted once again by an irritated Hyuuga whom slapped him upside the head.

"Focus!" Genma rubbed the back of his head, glaring at the interrupter of his fantasies finding it was once again the 'stick up his ass' Hyuuga.

Shikamaru thankfully intervened once again as the mediator between everyone. "Hyuuga, Shiranui cut it out. After Sakura gets the target alone, I know she can retrieve the intel herself. I have no doubt she won't fail. My only concern is _them_." Shikamaru motioned towards the members of Akatsuki.

"They obviously know of Sakura's intentions and will most likely attempt to separate us. I've already bound three members in my Shadow Jutsu." Kiba, Genma and Neji observed the other table and indeed noticed that stitch face, gills and the old man where trapped in Shikamaru's jutsu.

Activating his Byakugan Neji immediately scanned the area for any hidden traps or other Akatsuki members within the vicinity.

"I don't sense any traps or other members." Neji stated as he looked back at Sakura whom was nearing their target.

"Kiba, can you sense Akamaru within the area." Shikamaru asked, turning to the ninken.

"Yeah, I'll signal him to sense Sakura. Akamaru is familiar with Sakura's scent so he won't have a problem." Kiba replied confidently.

"Good. I need a precaution in case one of the members do escape and encounter Sakura."

"Genma, as soon as Sakura is out of range and with the target alone, create a barrier jutsu. We cannot let them escape. Six against four isn't the best of odds, especially considering they're S-class nin. Hyuuga you target the Uchiha while Genma and Kiba deal with Deidara and Sasori. Deidara uses bombs and is a long range fighter, use this to your advantage. Sakura is the only one experienced with battling Sasori, however his puppets withhold deadly poisons. Our objective is simple, we are to distract the Akatsuki and buy Sakura as much time as possible. Kiba, when Sakura has fulfilled her objective, open your mental link with Akamaru to ascertain this. I want everyone alive when back in Konoha so as soon as we confirm that we possess the desired intel, retreat."

The three ANBU nodded at their top tactician and turned to watch the beauty of the leaf sing.

.

_He's a tough lover (yeah, yeah)_

_A tough lover (woo)_

_He's a tough lover (yeah, yeah)_

_A tough lover (oh oh)_

_Hey, hey, heyah_

_He'll make me laugh, he'll make me cry_

_He'll be so tough he'll make Venus come alive_

_He'll do anything that he wants to do_

_Step on Jesse James's blue suede shoes, yeah_

_._

Sakura noticed the song was about to come to an end as she leapt gracefully off the stage, landing three feet away from her target. She sashayed towards her target, hypnotising him with every sensual movement of her hips.

.

_A tough lover (yeah, yeah)_

_A tough lover (woo)_

_A tough lover (yeah, yeah)_

_A tough lover (hey yeah, yeah yeah)_

_._

Barely a foot away from him, the man reached out to grab her by her waist not caring if they had an audience. This woman before him was too enchanting. Oh, he would rip what little she had on her with his teeth. Sakura recognised the deep lust in his eyes and knew that she had this man in the palm of her hands.

.

_A tough lover (yeah, yeah)_

_A tough lover (yeah, yeah)_

_A tough lover (oh oh)_

_._

The Akatsuki watching with burning gazes as the pinkette leaned down to whisper in the mans ear.

_"meet me in room 213."_

Her seductive tone sent blood rushing to each and every one of their manhoods.

Hidan growled, "I swear that hot bitch is gonna be in my bed before the night ends or I burn Kakuzu's stash."

The rest briefly turned to glare at the sailor mouthed Jashinist before turning back to the pinkette.

Before the man could even grasp her, she performed multiple back handsprings and landed elegantly on the stage. The song crescendoed along with Sakura performing her last vocal. Her voice both so powerful and enrapturing ended. Sakura flashed the audience a dazzling smile and did something completely unexpected.

Turning towards the booth of the Akatsuki, she smirked and winked saucily before disappearing into the shadows.

As the curtain closed, the Akatsuki could only stare where the pinkette was just standing in stunned silence.

...

Great applause erupted from the audience snapping them out of their trance. Turning towards where they had last seen their target to make their move...

Wait, where did he go?

The Akatsuki scanned the area only to find the raven haired man gone. Glancing at the table of ANBU, they realised that they too had disappeared from sight.

'fuck'

* * *

Goddamn. I haven't slept for 32 hours. I was so intent on getting this finished. So many ideas are just swimming through my head. Continue? Or not to Continue? I did say only one-shots and two-shots. Maybe i'll make an exception for this story though and continue it. Well it depends on reviews and all that jazz. Constructive criticism is much appreciated. My writing skills are a little rusty, so I know there must be a few grammatical errors. I'm sure I revised over the spelling though so hopefully there aren't multiple spelling mistakes.

Feel free to drop a review people! Come on the box is right there calling you!


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